I don't want to go back.

It's true... I don't.
The last thing I want to have to do is going back to the UK in two days.
It sucks.

I don't want to have to deal with the stress, the not eating enough, the feeling sick, the constant feeling that every move you make is being watched and evaluated by every teacher (or lecturer or wtv they want me to call the).

But I specially don't want to have to deal with the pain from being away.
I'm busy. and most times I don't have time to think about it too much, but I feel it. Every moment of every day.
And it hurts.

I know I'm doing what I love. Or at least what I think I love.
And I know I was never one to choose the easy path.

Still, I find myself wondering if I should change courses.
There are other things I really like to do. I don't think they're easy either, but I do believe they'd be less harsh on my body. And mind.

Yet, I think I'd feel like I'd have given up on my 1st dream. Not without trying though, trust me, I AM trying!

But sometimes I just wish things weren't so hard.
I know this is how the industry works, and if I want to be an entertainer I have to get used to this.

Yet, I truly don't know if I can.
And that scares me.

At the end of this 1st years of Performance, I'll have a decision to make.
A tough one.

Either I stay, or I try something else.
Not because I don't like it, but because I might not be able to take it and stay sane and healthy at the same time.

I know it's still a while before I have to decide but...
What should I do?





Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella